[영어공부] 영원한 젊음을 향한 폴 러드의 지침 (?!?!?!?!)

[영어공부] 영원한 젊음을 향한 폴 러드의 지침 (?!?!?!?!)

[주] 이런류의 글이 꼭 '지침'으로써 도움이 되진 않을 줄 알면서 그냥 영어로 쓰여있는 객쩍은 소리 쯤으로 여기면서 읽어나 보기로 합니다. 미국 드라마나 연예를 몰라서 백과사전에서 배우들 이름을 찾아가며 읽는데 몇일 걸렸음. 아직 내용을 이해 하지 못하고 있습니다. 그나저나 폴 러드와 제이슨 베이트먼 이라는 배우에게 뭔일이 있었길래 이런 글이 나온걸까요?

"Paul Rudd's Guide to Eternal Youth"

by Sarah Hutto, The New Yorker, 23. 3. 14., [링크]

O.K., let’s not beat around the bush. You all know who I am. I'm everywhere. I've probably popped up in your favorite mainstream comedy. You may have even been able to make out my face in the clouds in the "Game of Thrones" finale. (The director really wanted to use me, but didn’t know how to fit me into the script.)

좋아. 돌리지 말고 단도직입 하자. 당신들 내가 누군지 다들 알거야. 눈만돌리면 어디든 등장하는 얼굴이지. "왕좌의 게임" 마지막 장면의 구름 속에서도 내 얼굴이 봤을거야. (감독이 내 얼굴을 쓰려고 했는데 대본에 끼워 넣는 방법을 몰랐어.)

* 폴 러드, Paul Rudd, 배우, 코미디언, 영화 제작자, 대본작가다. 헐리웃 최고 동안이라고 한다. [링크]

People just seem drawn to my plucky energy and impishly handsome face. I've been told that my smile both sets people at ease and inspires mischief. Fans always ask me, "Hey, Paul, was your dad a Nordic elf?" And I laugh and respond, "No, but he did bang your mom when your dad was on a businesstrip." That usually shuts them up. Good old Paul Rudd, always reliable for a chuckle.

사람들이 나의 넘치는 활력과 깜찍한 외모에 빠져 헤어나질 못하고 있지. 내가 웃을 때 편하기도 하고 한대 쥐어박고 싶다고 하는 사람도 있지. 나를 좋아하는 사람들이 이렇게 묻곤 해. " 당신 아빠는 북극의 요정이었죠?" 그럼 나는 웃으면서 이렇게 대답하지.  "아니. 그치만 당신 아버지가 출장중일 때 당신 엄마를 덮쳤나봐." 그럼 대부분 사람들은 입을 다물지. 능구렁이 폴 러드는 늘 그렇게 능글맞았다.

I carry this attitude into everything in my life. Every decision, be it big or small,I think, O.K., Paul Rudd, what would you do in this situation? It hasn't failed me once. As soon as I look at a problem "through the eyes of Paul Rudd," it’s almost impossible to see it any other way. And then everything becomes clear. "Ruddified," I call it.

나는 이런 태도를 평생 내내 유지해왔다. 크든 작든 어떤 결정을 내야 할 때, 좋아 폴 러드, 당신이라면 어떻게 할거야? 라며 생각했다. 한번도 실패한 적이 없었다. 내가 문제에 봉착했을때 마다 폴 러드의 시각으로 보는것 외에 다른 방법이 없었다. 그럼 모든게 선명해졌다. 나는 그걸 러드방식이라고 부른다.

I'm actually quite selfless. I just want to help people. When you're blessed with the nose of a fictional prince and eyes that sparkle like peridots, well, it just makes you want to give back. That's why I've compiled the instructions below. Feel free to use any part of them during moments of duress, phases of self-improvement, or just when planning some good old-fashioned romps. Once you internalize "Paul Rudd's Guide to Eternal Youth," the principles really start to take on a life of their own. Hey, just look where it's gotten me.

나는 사실 진짜로 이타적인 사람이다. 나는 다른 사람을 돕고 싶을 뿐이다[다른 사람을 먼저 생각한다.] 당신이 동화속 왕자 같은 코와 보석(peridot: 감람석)처럼 빛나는 눈을 타고났다면[=be blessed with ~], 맞아 그게 당신이지 하고 만다[상대가 타고난 외모를 지녔다고 질투하지 않는다. 나는 이타적인 사람이니까.] 그게 아래와 같은 지침을 세우게 됐다[이유다.] 스트레스[=duress]를 받는 상황이라면 언제든 [아래 지침(instructious)을] 활용하라. 자존감이 필요한 때가 됐거나 심지어 뭔가 촌스런 장난꺼리(romp)를 꾸미려는 때조차[짓꾿은 장난(romp에는 성적인 유희의 뜻이 있다)을 꾸미기 전에 잠시 망설이는 순간에도]. 일단 "폴러드식의 젊음"을 내면화 하면 원칙은 정말로 그들의 인생으로 옮겨가기 시작한다. 이봐, 그게 날 어디로 데려 갔는지 봐[내가 폴 러드 식의 지침을 따른 끝에 어떻게 됐나 보라고]

Don’t fixate on the little things.

작은 일에 집착하지 않기 [째째하지 않기]

When something doesn't go my way—like when the former child actor Jason Bateman gets a role I wanted—instead of fretting, I focus on what is working in my life. Like the mushrooms I ate an hour ago, or the PS5 I stole off Jason’s front porch last year.

뭔가 내 뜻대로 되지 않을때 일테면 전 아역배우 제이스 베이트만이 내가 원하던 배역을 꿰찼다던가 그럴 때 조바심(fretting)을 내기보다 나는 내 삶에 일어난 일에 집중하지. 한시간 전에 먹어치운 버섯이라던가 작년 제이슨의 집 문앞에서 훔친 PS5 같은거 말이야[제이슨의 택배물건을 훔쳤다.]

Once I do this, I return to what isn't working—like the Batemans' satellite dish, which I blew out with a glock that I borrowed from one of my security guards—with a more positive mind-set. Satellite! Can you fucking believe it? Four seasons of 'Ozark,' and he still hasn't upgraded.

그 다음에는 제대로 벌이지 못한 일을 좀 더 긍정적인 방향으로 떠올려. 일테면 제이슨네 위성수신 안테나인데 우리 보안요원한테 빌린 글록(권총 이름)으로 날려 버렸거든. 맞아 인공위성! 일년내내 '오자크(Ozark, 넷플릭스 인기 범죄스릴러 물로 제이슨 베이트먼 주연)'라니 그 녀석이 아직도 나와. [제대로 라면 위성수신 안테나를 날릴게 아니라 제이슨을 날렸어야 했다.]

Then I look in my rear view mirror as I drive away from his neighborhood, flash myself a devilish grin, and say, "Ruddified!" Works every time.

그리고는 [현장을] 떠나며 자동차 백미러로 뒤를 살피면서 악마같은 미소(devilish grin)를 짖지. "러드식으로 해치웠어!" 매번 그렇게 하면 됐지.

<여기까지 겨우 읽었는데 도데체 왜 이런 글이 씌여졌는지 이해가 않됩니다. 혹시 아시는 분??????>

Failure is just success that’s still in the womb.

실패는 설익은 성공일 뿐

Like that one? I made up the whole saying, but it’s true. When you screw up, it's actually just success kicking at your uterus from the inside, letting you know that it's not quite ready to come out yet. That's when you need to buckle down, cross your legs, and let success keep cooking a little longer.

I cherish every one of my failures. I got busted the first time I tried to steal a package off of Bateman's porch, by the way. It was so humiliating.

When Bateman's wife opened the front door and saw me standing there holding their package, it didn't take her long to put two and two together. I can still remember her confusion and disgust. "Paul?" she asked. "Paul Rudd?!"

We locked eyes briefly, and then I panicked. I threw the package directly at her, hoping to buy myself some time. But, despite my undeniable charm, I’m not the most coordinated guy. The package missed her completely and almost hit the Batemans' dog, knocking over a potted plant instead.

Unsure of how to respond, I simply yelled, "Ruddified!" and ran away. They have a pretty big yard, so I had to run a while before I was out of view. I even tripped a couple times. Total failure.

But what did I do? I took that experience and used it to make sure that I was successful next time I stole one of Bateman's packages. Now I intercept their UPS guy at knife point. He always hands the delivery right over. Ruddified!

There is no "I" in "team," but there are two "U"s in "Paul Rudd."

"Paul Rudd's Guide to Eternal Youth" isn't just about me, Paul Rudd. It's also about you and you, whoever you are. By implementing the guide, we can each access our internal Pauls and harness the power to tackle all the ills of the world, including Jason Bateman. Of course, you personally might not have an issue with Jason. But you probably have a Jason Bateman of your own, in your day-to-day life—someone you compete with for validation, whose packages you steal. This is just the way of the world. Every morning that you see that dumb bastard's face rising over the hills, in the sun, and every night that you still see his dumb face in the moon hovering above your home (which is larger than his, incidentally)—that's when you access your inner Paul and say, "Bateman, enough!" And then you either throw a box at his wife and run away (failure) or you rob his UPS guy (Ruddification). It’s your choice.

Those are only the first three principles in "Paul Rudd's Guide to Eternal Youth," but, believe me, there are many more. And I'll leave you with this—I can no longer legally come within five hundred feet of Bateman's house, but, if enough people read this and reach out to my agent, I can pass the address along and we can probably surround the place. So just keep it in mind. Mull it over. I might even be able to show up at a few of your enemies' houses. Because that’s just the kind of guy I am. Ruddified!